How Alice Ruined Wonderland
by Starling Strider
Summary: This is Alice's REAL Adventures in Wonderland. She was not so sweet, not so innocent, as we all like to believe. Alice was a power hungry seven year old with an eye for violence. This is the real story, I hope you see just how terrible Alice can be.
1. Chapter 1

Everyone knows Alice in Wonderland or at least they think they do. That cute adorable little seven year old who had a really strange dream? Yeah, that kid doesn't exist. She was a really creepy little girl who meddled in things she shouldn't have. That whole thing about curiosity being a bad thing? Yeah that's totally and absolutely true cause Alice and her curiosity completely ruined Wonderland.

Poor Wonderland, it used to be so sweet and innocent. The people there were so happy before Alice came along. Even Leveret Hare, or the White Rabbit as you know him, was fine with his role as a servant until he discovered Alice. But once the girl decided to follow Leveret and fall down the rabbit hole all heck broke loose.

Alice Liddell did not fall asleep beneath a tree as her sister Lorina read a book, she wandered away into Wonderland. I'm sure she didn't mean to cause the trouble she did, though she certainly enjoyed it. But of course that still doesn't change the fact that she caused the worst kind of mayhem and nearly destroyed a whole world.

These are Alice's real adventures in Wonderland. They're not sweet, they're not cute, and they're far from innocent. So come along friend, follow me down the rabbit hole. Time will stand still for us.


	2. Chapter 2

Leveret stood at the base of a tall weeping willow, staring at the girls sitting beneath another tree not far away. One was a young woman with her nose buried in a book, her eyes moving back and forth quickly. She was a fast reader and was very intelligent but she didn't have the spark that Leveret was looking for.

But the other one! The little girl, Alice as he had heard the older girl call her, was truly exceptional! She had an insatiable curiosity that Leveret could easily use. And her personality! How could such a young girl be so terribly dark? She was also much more outgoing than the other children of her generation, always wandering off.

"Alice will you please stop doing that?" The older girl snapped, slapping her sister's hand as it reached for her sister's hair. Alice hissed like a cat and pulled her hand against her chest, her eyes narrowed furiously. "I don't understand you Alice. One moment you're a sweet little girl weaving daisies in my hair and the next you're being an evil brat pulling at it." She said furiously.

The little girl stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. "Lorina why are you so mean? And what's so interesting about that book anyways? It has no pictures or conversations." She said, peering into the book with a disgusted look on her face.

The older sister rolled her eyes. "Not every book has to have conversations or pictures little sister. There are some very good books without either." She said.

Leveret and the little girl shook heads at the same time. "You're wrong." The girl said at the same time he thought it. In Wonderland books were only good if they had pictures or conversations. If there was no conversations there were plenty of pictures and vice versa.

The older girl rolled her eyes again and went back to her book, grumbling about never getting any work done with a sister like Alice. The little girl huffed furiously before getting to her feet. She brushed dirt from her dress before running over to the riverbed. The seven year old dropped down beside the river and started playing in the water, making patterns on the surface. She was lying in a bed of river daisies, or at least that's what she called them. Any flower growing beside a river was a river daisy to her.

Leveret's nose twitched annoyingly and he swatted at it with his white gloved hand. He glared at the glove on his hand with enough anger to kill a Jabberwocky. How long had he been a servant of Victoria Redd? He couldn't remember a time when he was free of her. He had desperately wished for freedom a million times over when he was away from Victoria's prying eyes but it had never come. Though his servitude wasn't a total loss. Through it he had learnt many secrets and one of those secrets was going to help him take over Wonderland and force Victoria Redd into the same servitude he had to endure for thousands of years.

Alice could tell someone was watching her and she knew it wasn't her sister. The little girl looked around and saw a man standing beneath the weeping willow tree. He was strange looking with white hair, pink eyes, and long rabbit ears sticking out of his head. He was wearing white pants, a white dress shirt, and a red waistcoat. There was a golden watch tucked into the waistcoat-pocket and its long golden chain was twirled around his finger. There was a smile on his face that made Alice both curious and afraid.

But then the man disappeared only to be replaced with a fluffy white bunny, dressed in a red waistcoat of course. It was holding a watch in its little paw and its little nose twitched oh so adorably. Alice thought he was cute but she was a distrusting girl, a very evil little distrusting girl. She stood up as the rabbit hopped over, holding her fists up like she had seen her brothers do before getting in a fight.

"You're late little one!" The rabbit said, stunning the little girl. The rabbit could _talk_! She had never seen a talking rabbit before, just like she had never seen a rabbit in a waistcoat or carrying a watch. Her head cocked to the side curiously. "You're late!" The rabbit said.

Alice's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Late for what?" She asked.

"Late for your arrival!" The rabbit said, sounding kind of impatient.

"You can't be late for an arrival you never scheduled." Alice pointed out.

"It _was_ scheduled." The rabbit argued.

"By who?" The girl was getting quite irritated now. Her thin arms were crossed over her chest and a fierce glare was on her childish face. "Tell me rabbit!" She demanded, stamping her foot.

The rabbit shook its head and laughed a little. It jumped over the river and ran off through the field beyond. Alice let out an irritated shout and decided to run after him. How else was she supposed to learn who scheduled her arrival without him? She ran through the river, soaking her white stockings and dress. The little girl ran across the field after the white rabbit, who seemed to be going slow enough to keep in her line of vision. Finally the little creature reached the hedge where Alice was sure he would stop. The rabbit disappeared and was quickly replaced with the man she had seen earlier. Alice slowed down but she kept walking towards him, her curiosity driving her.

"Little Alice, do you know who I am?" The man asked her as she approached.

"You're the rabbit." Alice said with certainty. She may have been only seven but she thought she was rather smart. Anyone else would agree with her if she didn't hide her smarts behind smart aleck remarks and if she actually used them for school.

The man smiled. "Yes little girl, I am the rabbit. I am also Leveret of the Hare Family, servant of Victoria Redd." He said, brushing his shaggy white hair from his eyes. Those eyes were so disturbing, they seemed to stare into Alice's soul.

"Are you going to tell me who scheduled my arrival?" Alice asked angrily.

Leveret smiled, his buck teeth showing. "Do you know of Wonderland child?" He asked, completely off subject.

Alice rolled her eyes, something she had seen her sister do a million times over. "Of course I know of Wonderland." She said though she really had no clue about the place. She wasn't about to seem stupid in front of this albino man though so she lied.

"No you don't child, stop acting like you do." Leveret snapped at her. The girl flinched back, surprised by how powerful his voice was. He had such a sweet velvety voice, how could it become so fierce and sharp? He was very young too, only about eighteen, so how could he be so scary? Alice swallowed down her fear though, not wanting to seem weak or anything. "If you knew about Wonderland you would have dived into the rabbit hole the second I mentioned it." Leveret said, gesturing to a large rabbit hole beside his feet.

"Then tell me about it." Alice told him, her arms crossed over her chest again.

Leveret dropped down to one knee in front of the girl and smiled in a strangely interesting way. "Wonderland is a terrifyingly beautiful place little Alice. It's a place where nonsense makes sense. It's the place where insanity is sanity." He told her. The little girl's grew wide with wonder and Leveret smiled. "Would you like to go there child? I'll tell you who scheduled your arrival if you do." Leveret said.

Alice stared down at the rabbit hole, biting her lip. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't do any harm to at least take a look." She said, the wheels in her head turning. Wonderland sounded like her kind of place, a place where she could change at any moment and not be yelled at for it. Yes, Wonderland could be a just the place for little evil Alice Liddell.

Leveret, in the blink of an eye, became the rabbit once again. He bounded down into the rabbit hole and Alice quickly followed, not wondering how she would get out again if she wanted to. She fell down at a very slow rate, slow enough to give her time to stare around at the walls of the tunnel. There was cupboards and bookshelves filled with a strange assortment of things and here and there she could see maps of strange countries and pictures of people she'd never seen before hanging on almost broken pegs. She reached out and grabbed a jar off of one of the shelves. It was labeled "Orange Marmalade" but the contents were far from that. It was dark red and thick, like blood. It probably was blood.

"Ew." Alice said bluntly, placing the jar onto a shelf as she passed it. The girl looked downwards but saw nothing. "Well after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down-stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! And if I fell off the top of the house, which is likely to happen, I wouldn't say a word about it!" She said excitedly, thinking about how fun it would be.

Alice continued to fall down and she continued to search for the white rabbit as she fell, though she never saw him. The girl got impatient quickly and soon she was trying to tap her foot in midair, something that was very difficult to do. She presently began to try curtseying in midair, something she fancied was difficult to do and wanted to see if she could do it. Surprising enough she could, which please the little girl into losing most of her impatience.

But as time stretched on Alice became bored again and rather lonely without the rabbit there to talk to. So the young girl began to talk to herself, musing over the things that had begun to bother her. "What will happen to Dinah while I'm gone? Nanny and mother are always complaining about Dinah doing things like getting up on the table. Father doesn't mind her if she sits in his lap while he reads but brothers don't let her have any peace. Sisters don't either and Lorina hates Dinah." The girl had basically begun to ramble, her voice basically becoming white noise even to her. "Oh no! They'll let you starve won't they Dinah! Oh I wish you were here! I don't think there are any mice here but I'm certain you could catch a bat. Do cats eat bats?"

Alice fell into a kind of sleep then, mumbling about cats eating bats and sometimes bats eating cats. She dreamt of walking with a human sized Dinah asking her rather earnestly if her dearest kitten had ever eaten a bat. Creepily enough, Dinah agreed excitedly and began to describe different kinds of recipes Alice should use when she decided to eat bat. Alice was about to point out to Dinah that she was much too slow to catch a bat when she was jolted out of her dream by her sudden impact into a pile of sticks and dry leaves.

"Stupid tunnel! I swear I'll get my revenge on you!" Alice said furiously as she jumped to her feet.

Leveret, who was leaning against a marble column, chuckled. "Such a naïve little girl, so full of energy and evil. You'll be perfect for helping me take over Wonderland." He said happily.

Alice stared at him, one eyebrow raised furiously. "You brought me here to use me rabbit? How dare you!" She said furiously.

"Oh don't be so angry little one. You want power too don't you?" Leveret asked, his smile sly. Alice smiled back, her smile just as sly. Of course she wanted power, it was all any child ever dreamed of really. Her more so than most children, the idea of ruling over others and having her way was like a goal to her. "Then won't you help me child? You could help me rule and everything would be as you said." Leveret told her.

Alice knew he would most likely double cross her but she was a child and she was blinded by his promises. "Alright Leveret of the Hare Family, servant of Victoria Redd, I'll help you." She said, a slow evil smile spreading across her childish features in a way that creeped even Leveret out.

"Then follow me." The rabbit man said, taking off down a hallway Alice hadn't noticed before. She ran after him, obeying his command without a second thought.

Alice ran after Leveret for a long time until suddenly she found herself in an octagon shaped room with doors on every wall. There were rows of lamps hanging from the roof, illuminating the room. Leveret was standing beside a three legged glass table, an impatient look on his face.

"You know, you really do take a long time." Leveret said angrily.

"Maybe if you didn't run so fast." Alice said furiously. She walked over to the table and examined the items laying there. A bottle with a tag on it that read "Drink Me," a tiny golden key, and a piece of paper. "What's this?" Alice asked, pointing to the paper. It seemed the most interesting right then since it had the most words on it.

Leveret lifted the paper up and held it close to Alice's face. "This, my dear, is a list of things you must do to become a Queen. Will you do them for me?" He asked.

Alice snatched the paper from his hand, glaring the whole time. She was getting rather tired of him calling her "little" and "child" and "my dear." Didn't the stupid rabbit man know how creepy that made him sound? Maybe he didn't, he was blinded by ambition after all. She was too but being a child her mind was capable of going off in all sorts of directions. Alice edged a half step away from him as she read the paper.

"Create a pool of tears? What is that supposed to mean?" Alice asked, looking up at Leveret with a curious eyebrow raised. A pool of tears? That sounded intriguing.

"Simple Alice. All you have to do is grow taller than a tree," Leveret gestured towards the ceiling indicating height, "and cry until you can't cry anymore." He said with a buck toothed smile.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest. "And what's that supposed to mean Leveret? What good would me crying do and how am I supposed to grow so big and tall?" She asked, irritated at his mystery.

Leveret sighed, covering his eyes with a gloved hand. Alice looked at the glove with interest, why were the cuffs of the gloves so tight around his wrists? They were more like cuffs than gloves really…and what was with the initials engraved on the little golden buttons? V. R. Victoria Redd. Leveret had said he was her servant but the gloves seemed to indicate that he was her slave. A most unwilling slave no doubt if he was trying to take over Wonderland.

"So many questions from such a small person. You can't really expect me to answer all of them can you Alice?" Leveret asked, he peeked out playfully at her from between his gloved fingers.

Alice smiled despite her distrust. This Leveret was an intriguing character, she had to admit that. "They are simple questions you know. Easy to answer." She said.

"No question is simple Alice. A question holds a million other questions and it has a million answers. So, therefore, they are not easy to answer. Do you see?" Leveret said, twirling the watch's chain around his finger.

"I do not." Alice said simply, still smiling a little. "Please Leveret, just tell me what you mean." She insisted.

Leveret rolled his eyes. "Oh fine I suppose you deserve to know, you are the one who will make it happen after all. To grow taller than a tree you must first shrink, which I think you'll manage quite nicely since you're already so small. Drink then eat and you'll be taller than a tree." The rabbit man said, pointing towards the bottle marked Drink Me. "The tears will be essential. You see, when you cry, you'll disrupt a great many of creatures. We need to disrupt them and trick them into thinking it was Victoria Redd's fault, to gain their allegiance." He explained.

Alice picked up the Drink Me bottle and examined it. She was, of course, trying to find out if it was marked Poison or not. She knew that if you drank from a bottle marked so it was almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later. But she found nothing on the bottle that indicated that the contents were of the worst kind. Not even a skull n' crossbones which actually seemed to disappoint the youth.

"So I drink from this bottle and shrink, then what?" Alice asked purposely making her voice sound timid and scared, peeking up at Leveret from under innocent eyelashes as she did. There wasn't much about Alice that was innocent but her eyes and the long black eyelashes around them were.

Leveret fell prey to her innocent eyes just like everyone else did. "Oh don't be afraid little Alice Liddell. You won't be stuck down there for long child and you most certainly will be able to grow back up. There'll be something at the bottom of the table waiting for you sweet child, it'll make you grow." The rabbit man said, patting her head in a most annoying fashion. Alice was never fond of having her head pat, it made her feel like a pet and if anyone was going to be a pet it was going to be Leveret Hare.

"I am not afraid." Alice said angrily, crossing her arms over her chest once again. That was basically the only part she cared to comment on mostly because she did not like insults.

"Then drink up child!" The rabbit man said, gesturing to the bottle. His eyes were wide with an impatient excitement. "We haven't much Time to waste." He told her.

Alice rolled her eyes but decided that she would get nowhere arguing with him. She examined the bottle one last time for any marks before pulling off the cork. She sniffed the contents, a little nervous, before taking a small swig of its contents. She exclaimed in delight and turned to Leveret a smile on her face. "Oh it's delicious rabbit! Cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast!" She said happily, delighting in the mixed flavor of the drink. She was so filled with happiness at the strange taste that she didn't notice herself shrinking until she was shorter than the table.

Alice Liddell let out a terrified little shout as she kept shrinking. "I'll go out like a candle!" She shouted, though she was sure her voice was too tiny for Leveret to hear even with his rabbit ears. He just smiled down at her from high above the table. Alice had a thought it was kind of funny, a giant rabbit, and she giggled a little though her giggle was swallowed in another scream when she still continued to shrink and shrink and _shrink_!

Finally, just when Alice was quite sure she _would _go out like a candle, she stopped to shrink. She looked up at the giant table and the giant man beside it and felt all her hope disappear. Leveret hadn't told her she was going to shrink this much! She felt so small and so helpless! Alice, hating these emotions, started to cry but quickly stopped.

"Come, there's no use crying like that!" She told herself sharply. "I advise you to leave off this minute, wait until your big when you need them!" The other Alice, which was what Alice often called her sterner rule following other self, was always giving her such good advice. It was very good advice but that was something she very seldom followed. But on this rare occasion she decided to take the advice, wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

"We're running late again Alice! You'll never find out who arranged your arrival that way!" Leveret's said. His voice was so loud in Alice's tiny ears that she had to slam her hands down over them to block out some of the noise. Ah but those words! No matter how loud the words were they still sparked that curiosity that was always burning away at Alice's innards.

Alice looked around for the thing Leveret had said she would find and discovered it in the form of a tiny cake in a little glass box. It was vanilla, which Alice was not very fond of, and it was coated in quite a bit of white icing, something she was also not very fond of. Currants, which were basically raisins, spelled out the words "Eat Me." Leveret had said the thing she found would make her grow taller…

"Well I'll eat it," said Alice grudgingly, "and if it makes me grow larger then I'll owe that stupid rabbit an apology for ever doubting him. But if I shrink I'll just run off under these doors and never talk to that stupid rabbit again!" Alice took the cake out of its little box and took a rather large bite out of it. "Which way? Which way?" Alice mused as she held a hand over her head to feel which way she was growing. After a minute or two she discovered she wasn't growing at all and let out a little huff. "Fine! I'll eat the whole thing!" She said angrily, though she hated the taste of it. It didn't take her long to finish off the cake.

**Please review. I will give you all lollies, cakes, and cookies if you do! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

"Curiouser and curiouser." Alice said as she shot up like a weed. She grew right past Leveret who was laughing with glee and even farther than that, stopping only after her head had bumped against the ceiling. She stared down at Leveret who seemed like a speck to her now. "Not so little now am I rabbit?" Alice called down to him mockingly.

There was the sound of distant laughter and then Leveret's voice floated up to her. "No, not so little anymore dear Alice! Though you are still a little girl, never forget that!" Leveret told her.

Alice rolled her now boulder sized eyes. "Oh I won't forget Leveret. Now, what was I supposed to do again?" She asked, biting her lip.

"Cry Alice! Cry like your life depends on it!" Leveret shouted.

Alice felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. "Oh right. I knew that." She said, looking down at the ground. Alice then stamped down hard on her foot. Alice didn't know that her increased size also meant increased strength and she very nearly crushed her poor foot. She let out a shout and tears instantly formed in her eyes. They crashed to the ground, splashing all over the marble floors.

Soon the tears were at least four inches deep and Leveret shouted up at her that it would be okay to stop. "Seriously Alice that's enough!" Leveret shouted up at her when her crying didn't cease. The girl nodded then wiped away her remaining tears. "Now come along girl! Catch the bottle and drink!" Leveret shouted. He threw up the bottle and Alice caught it in her oversized hand.

"Bottom's up!" The young girl said cheerfully before swallowing down a large portion of the bottle's contents.

It didn't take Alice long to shrink back down to her original height. Leveret smiled at her and patted her head affectionately. Alice let out an irritated growl but the rabbit man just laughed. "Oh child, don't be so mad! You've done your job well." He told her. Alice stared down at the Pool of Tears soaking her shoes and ankles and didn't feel all that accomplished. Leveret smiled at her. "Will you recite for me Alice?" Leveret asked her out of the blue.

Alice's forehead creased in confusion. "Recite?" She asked, uncertain.

"Yes child, recite." Leveret said, nodding.

Alice didn't see the point in this but she decided to consent to his strange request. She crossed her hands in front of her and stood up straighter.

_How doth the little crocodile_

_Improve his shining tail,_

_And pours the waters of the Nile_

_On every golden scale!_

_How cheerfully he seems to grin,_

_How neatly spread his claws,_

_And welcome little fishes in,_

_With gently smiling jaws!_

Leveret let out a deep sigh and covered his eyes with his hand again. "Wrong Alice." He said in exasperation, shaking his head. "All wrong."

"It's my version." Alice explained angrily. "I think it sounds better." She said, shrugging offhandedly.

Leveret uncovered his eyes and glared at her. "Doesn't matter. It's wrong." He told her, crossing his arms over his chest.

Alice stuck out her tongue childishly. "Says you." She said angrily. Her hands were clutched into lethal little fists, one of which still contained the bottle.

Leveret stuck his tongue out at her, mocking her childishness. "Says many, sweet child." He said with a chuckle.

"I don't fall in with the many." Alice said rather proudly.

"Obviously." Leveret said bluntly. The rabbit began walking towards one of the doors, kicking up water.

Alice began to fear he would leave her there in her Pool of Tears and she ran after him. She grabbed hold of the back of his waistcoat and tugged, forcing his attention back on her. "Is that such a bad thing?" Alice asked, her voice quivering with fear. She didn't want to be left alone and she didn't want the rabbit hating her. He was going to rule with her, hating each other just couldn't be allowed.

Leveret stopped so suddenly that Alice very nearly ran into him. He spun around, sending water flying into the air. His hands came up and held her face gently. "No child, it is not." Leveret said in such a gentle voice. Alice blinked up at him in surprise, her mouth hanging open in a tiny surprised o. Leveret chuckled and tapped her cheek with his thumb. "Sweet innocent child, do not worry. I shall always care for my little Alice. Now do your next task like a good little girl, shrink down and talk to that bloody bird about that blasted Caterpillar." He told her.

With that the rabbit released her and disappeared into a room behind the nearest door, slamming it shut before Alice could follow. She found herself crying again, feeling abandoned by her guide. Slowly she reached down into her apron pocket that she had shoved the list into. Alice pulled out the crumbled paper and smoothed it out against her thigh. Her first task, create a Pool of Tears, had been crossed out in thick red ink, ink that looked like blood. She took a deep breath before examining the next task.

"Tie with Do Do in a Caucus Race and find the location of the Caterpillar….What on earth is a Caucus Race?" Alice wondered aloud. Her eyes narrowed into a squint, like she wasn't sure she had read right. "What kind of name is Do Do anyways?" She said, chuckling little. She then became suddenly reaware of the bottle in her hand and brought it up to her mouth. "Leveret told me to shrink." Alice said like she was trying to convince herself of it. With another deep breath she swallowed down the rest of the bottle's contents.

Alice shrunk down and down again until she was just as small as she had been before. Unfortunately she landed in her Pool of Tears and nearly drowned to death. The thought of "drowning in her own tears" sent Alice into hysterical laughter as she tried to desperately keep her head above the water's surface. She was so fixated on not dying and laughing at her own situation that she almost didn't notice the Mouse swimming beside her.

"O Mouse!" Alice called to the creature but it ignored her. Alice's nose twitched in agitation, something she noticed happened to Leveret when he was agitated or irritated. He had done it a lot in her presence. She decided to be cruel to the Mouse then and shouted out in French, "Watch out! My pussy cat is about to attack you!" She had guessed that saying it in a foreign language would make it all the meaner and she had been correct. The mouse literally leaped up out of the water and when it landed it was quivering with fear. "Oh I am sorry! I forgot mice don't like cats." The little girl told the Mouse in a very unconvincing tone.

The Mouse glared back at her which made Alice think he was rather rude. "If you knew anything about me you wouldn't say such things." He practically growled at her, which made Alice wonder if mice could growl.

"Oh I am sorry mousey, I didn't mean to offend. I know _exactly_ how much micey don't like cats." Alice said sarcastically, making it painfully clear that she had done it on purpose and that she had no remorse. The Mouse let out a very angry squeak before continuing its swim towards the banks of her tearful sea. "O Mouse! Come back here! Come back here or I _will_ get my cat Dinah to eat you!" Alice shouted after it.

The Mouse was quick to swim back. Alice grinned evilly at it as she attached herself to its tail. With a nod of her head, the Mouse started swimming again. Alice kept talking to it as they swam, mentioning how Dinah was just a wonderful little mouse catcher and how it would be so easy for her kitty cat to capture the Mouse if it didn't do as Alice told it. The Mouse didn't speak the whole time but trembled in fear at her words. It gave Alice pleasure, knowing that she could scare the creature so easily.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time they reached the shore an odd assortment of creatures had gotten there too, the displaced creatures of Wonderland. Leveret had wanted them to get removed from their homes so he could trick them into thinking it was all Victoria Redd's fault. Their plan was going just as planned then, perfect.

"Mouse! Mouse what has happened!? Who's did this?! Who's that?!" Every creature seemed to have a question for the Mouse. Alice released his tail as they reached the shallows and walked the remainder of the way.

"You should be asking Do Do these questions." Mouse said, his nose twitching in irritation as he climbed up out of the water. He cast a distrustful look towards Alice who had made her way over to the Lory and the Eaglet.

Alice glanced over at the Mouse. "Yes, that's exactly what we should be doing. I have a need to meet the bloody bird myself." She said in as grownup a voice as she could manage, using the phrase Leveret had when talking about Do Do.

The Lory let out a huff. "A child shouldn't be talking to Do Do. Children only have pointless things to talk about." She said, annoyed.

"I am no child." Alice said, resisting the urge to stamp her foot knowing that it would just disprove her point. Something in the Lory's tone reminded her very much of her older sister who was probably still unaware of Alice's absence. The idea that she wasn't even missed made Alice furious and her glare became ever more deadly. "You better mind your tone or I'll be feeding you to Dinah!" She snapped at the bird.

That made the Lory pause. "Dinah? What's a Dinah?" The bird asked.

"We have no time for that!" The Mouse shouted, quickly interrupting before Alice could terrify the Lory. "We must be talking to Do Do." The Mouse said.

Alice, suddenly remembering why she was there in the first place, nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, where is this Do Do? I simply must speak to him." She said, looking about. She barely noticed that the sky above her was now blue, that the ground was now sand, and that the room she had been in earlier was no longer there.

"I am here!" A solemn yet somehow bubbly voice said from behind Alice. The young girl spun around and found herself staring up at a dumpy man wearing a Navy uniform. He had feathery, all over the place, grayish blue hair that looked like it desperately needed a combing. His eyes were black, beady, and filled with a buffoonish light. His nose was what interested Alice though, it was so long and bulbous and it ended in a sharp little point. It was an oddity to say the least.

The man bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, drawing attention to how short his legs were. "I have emerged from the depths of my abode to see what ails this large bodacious gaggle that so loudly complains upon the seashore." Alice blinked at his use of words, thinking that he was trying much too hard to sound smart. He wouldn't have sounded smart anyways with that voice, it was about as odd as his nose. How can you be solemn and excited at the same time?

"Something has happened Do Do!" The Mouse said, rushing to the man's side.

The man looked out at the sea made of tears. "Obviously my fine whiskered friend! Why, it seems we've all moved to the sea!" He said. A wistful look appeared on his face. "It has been many years since I've seen the sea. The last time I was near it was when I worked as Victoria Redd's finest naval officer." He said sadly.

"Why do they call you Do Do? Other than your appearance of course." Alice asked the man. She would normally have let the man spend a few minutes reminiscing but her curiosity had beaten her manners down.

Do Do looked down at her in surprise, as if he had never seen a human girl before. Or, rather, like he hadn't seen one in a very long time. "Well child," the strange man began awkwardly, "my name was originally Dominic Dockson. A good friend of mine called me crazier than a cuckoo bird but many people said that since both my first and last name started with Do I would better be suited as a dodo bird. So from then on I was known as Do Do."

Alice was confused by that story but she didn't want to seem stupid so she just nodded like she got it. She crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to look tougher. "Tell me Do Do, have you any idea what a Caucus Race is?" She asked him.

There was a startled gasp from a few of the creatures and some mumblings from others. The Mouse began to tremble, as if Alice had mentioned Dinah again. Only Do Do seemed to find the question interesting instead of scary. "Have human children become so mean? Last I remember they didn't take interest in such nefarious things but, then again, I haven't spent time among humans in such a long time. I'm afraid I've become leader of the gaggle." Do Do let out a honk like laugh that nearly sent Alice into giggles.

Alice forced herself to look impatient though she was still amused. "Come on you bloody bird, tell me what you know of Caucus Races." She told him angrily.

Do Do puffed out his chest angrily and shook slightly, his hair moving about as he did. Alice thought that if he actually was a bird that he'd be ruffling his feathers in anger right then and it made her grin evilly when she thought about it. Of course her grin only made Do Do all the madder.

"Rude mini wretch. Pompous little girl. Insolent pup. Cuckoo bird!" Do Do raved, seeming to privately enjoy his choice of insults. Alice just stared at him as if none of what he said affected her, which it didn't since she didn't understand some of them. Cuckoo bird was rather clear though and seemed to be the biggest insult Do Do could think of. When Alice seemed unaffected by it he let out a great huff. "A Caucus Race is where many parties or just two try to make it to a finish line. You don't need to know the rules because there aren't any, save for the fact that you must know that everyone must win." Do Do said in one breathe, as if he thought it would be difficult to go on if he paused.

Alice stared at him in confusion. "Everyone must win? How does that work?" She asked him.

Do Do puffed up with a smile, as if he was glad the little girl didn't know something. "Everyone must win so even if I lose I must feel like I won. A treat of some sort would be in order if I lost. Now, if someone ties that's a whole other narrative." Do Do told her. Alice stared up at him with interested, Leveret had wanted her to tie with Do Do. "In the case of a tie the persons concerned must exchange secrets and these secrets do not have to be of equivalent worth. I, fortuitously, never tie in a race for I only know no more than one secrets and I'm sure he would not welcome me telling it." The bloody bird said.

"He being the caterpillar." Alice said, as if she was explaining it to someone else and it hadn't only just occurred to her.

Do Do turned very pale. "How do you know about him?" He asked in a hushed voice, as if saying it loudly would condemn him to some terrible fate.

A wicked cold hearted grin spread across Alice's face. "That is my secret, Do Do. Perhaps I'll tell you when we tie because I challenge you to a Caucus Race!" The little girl said it so theatrically with such a wave of the hand that some of the birds didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified.

The Mouse looked back and forth between Alice and Do Do. His beady eyes were huge and Alice wondered if they would fall out. Do Do on the other hand had become exceedingly calm, unnaturally calm. He stared off at Alice's pool of tears with an unfocused look in his eyes. "Do you know," Do Do said slowly, "how long it's been since I participated in a Caucus Race where the other person actually wanted to tie?" A slow grin spread across his face and he turned to Alice. "It was Leveret Hare right after he got enslaved. One of the last things I ever did under Victoria Redd was defeat that poor insane rabbit." Do Do told her.

Alice's interest peaked at the mention of Leveret but she didn't say anything. She had a very strong feeling that if Do Do started talking about something other than the Caucus Race he would forget it altogether. So, vowing to ask Leveret later, Alice waited for Do Do to accept her challenge.

Do Do laughed loudly, startling the Eaglet. Alice couldn't help smirking at the creature's fear and Do Do's obvious insanity. "Fine human child, I accept your challenge. Let's Caucus Race!" He said excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He grabbed Alice's arm and threw her in front of a dark red line on the sand. Do Do stood beside her in front of the line and stared at the Mouse expectantly. The little creature scurried over, fear and worry on his face.

"Follow the line." The Mouse told them, pointing to a faint red line that started at the line they were at and ended somewhere Alice couldn't see. With that, he stepped back, watching nervously.

Do Do didn't move for some time so neither did Alice. She had a feeling that she was supposed to stay at his side the whole time. Alice watched him carefully and when he finally did take a step over the line she stepped at the exact same time as him. He took off, probably at top speed, but Alice was able to match him stride for stride. His short legs couldn't stretch very far and he was awfully fat. It was easy for short legged little Alice to keep up with him and match his every step as they followed the line.

The line went in all sorts of directions, twisting and turning like a snake. Sometimes it would make them run in awkward shapes for a while before finally going off in another direction. It was all very confusing and Alice had a hard time concentrating on Do Do with the line so messed up. But she managed it, afraid that if she didn't stay perfectly paced with him she would end up losing or, perhaps worse, disappointing Leveret.

After a while though Alice was starting to get terribly bored and a bit tired. She watched Do Do's face, her body now able to match his without thinking, and saw that he was rather flustered looking. He seemed to think that she was actually going to tie with him and Alice could tell he was about to do something out of panic. She watched him carefully and when he opened his mouth Alice seemed to know immediately what he was going to say.

"Finished!" They shouted simultaneously, stopping so suddenly that they both nearly fell over. A collective gasp filled the air but the racers didn't notice, they were too busy regaining their breath and staring at each other coldly.

An evil and proud smile appeared on Alice's face. "We tied, Do Do you bloody bird." She said once she had regained her breath. She stood a little taller as she stared at the man who's mouth was hanging open in shock. "You owe me a secret." Alice told him, still smiling away.

Do Do stared at her in disbelief. "You…you tied with me!" He said incredulously. Alice simply nodded and smiled a little wider, her smile become a bit more wild and proud as her ego grew. "But no one's ever done that." Do Do said. Alice shrugged like it was no big deal, like it was common for her to beat people at things and that it was just something he had to get over. Once again, Alice thought that Do Do would be ruffling his feathers as his disbelief turned to outrage. "Fine! Evil child! I'll tell you the secret!" He said furiously.

The man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a tiny metal thimble. He held it up to his mouth and whispered into it, his voice to low for Alice to hear. Do Do then held the thimble out to her, obviously expecting her to take it so she did. But Alice didn't know what to do with it so she just held it in her palm and looked up at Do Do in confusion. The stout man sighed but once again looked pleased that Alice didn't seem to know something.

"Secrets are kept in thimbles, human child. When you wear one on your finger you know the secret it contains, though the second you take it off you forget again." Do Do explained. Alice nodded, gently touching the thimble in her hand. "Also, don't try giving it to someone else because only the people who participated in the Caucus Race can use the thimble." He added quickly, as if he expected her to try and really didn't want her too. "And don't go putting it on until you've told me your secret!" Do Do shouted when she went to put on the thimble.

Alice searched her pockets for a thimble with her free hand, wondering what would happen if she didn't have one. But, luckily, she had one in her apron pocket. Quickly, she whispered her secret into the thimble before handing it over to Do Do. He took it eagerly and jammed it onto his finger just as Alice slipped her own onto her pointer finger.

Instantly, the location of the caterpillar became known to her. He was in some place called the Grove of Wisdom, which you could only enter if you knew that it existed. Alice knew it existed now so it would be easy finding and entering the place. The little girl smiled, delighted that she knew something many others did not. But Do Do didn't seem as pleased with his secret as Alice did with hers.

"Leveret Hare told you?!" Do Do shouted shrilly.

Something dropped from the sky rather suddenly, making them all jump. It was a fan, a very gorgeous one that Alice had seen many noble ladies carry, and the word "Grow" was sown in golden thread across it. A tiny paper was pinned to it as well and only one little word was written in very beautiful cursive, "Alice."

Alice snatched up the fan before Do Do could grab it. "Yes you bloody bird, Leveret told me. Oh and by the way, it was Victoria Redd that destroyed all your homes with that water." She told them. Thinking quickly, Alice fanned herself a few times with the fan. Instantly she shot up, growing until she was her normal size. She smiled down at Do Do the entire time, enjoying his fury.


End file.
